


they are not long, the weeping and the laughter

by 18c_sprkl



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 17:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22467181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/18c_sprkl/pseuds/18c_sprkl
Summary: the Doctor has been distant lately. Yaz decides to work out why.post fugitive of the Judoon
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 86





	they are not long, the weeping and the laughter

_They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,_ _  
Love and desire and hate:  
I think they have no portion in us after  
We pass the gate._

_They are not long, the days of wine and roses:_ _  
Out of a misty dream  
Our path emerges for a while, then closes  
Within a dream._

“You don’t know me. Not even a little bit.”

The two sentences have been swirling around Yaz’s head for weeks, because despite all their reassurances to the Doctor, she’s right. They barely know anything about her, and just when they thought that they did, the Master turned up, and now they’re right back to square one.

“We know who you are right now” (lie)

“The best person that we know.” (not a lie, but how can she be the best if they don’t really know her)

Yaz has always prided herself on being able to read people, but the Doctor is an enigma. She can see her frustration reflected on Graham’s face too, when the Doc sends them off to explore, muttering something about repairs. It’s a few weeks after the Judoon incident, and they’ve just been dropped home for a quick break and visit when Yaz finally snaps.

“I’ll be back soon” The Doctor reassures them. “Just need to do a bit of poking around, make sure the old girl is running smoothly.”

“For a spaceship that’s supposedly the best” Graham eyes the TARDIS suspiciously, “you seem to be doing a lot of repairs.” That catches Ryan’s attention, and he murmurs an agreement.

“Well, not repairs as such, just uh – changes? Improvements? Yeah, improvements. If she doesn’t get upgraded enough, she gets tetchy.” The Doctor shifts her weight from left to right, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

“Right” Yaz says. “But when will you be back? Because you always say a few days and then its weeks before you turn up again. I’m not having you abandon us here just so you can work on the TARDIS.”

Graham nods, but before the Doc says anything, Yaz cuts across. “Besides, it doesn’t make sense that you keep going home to improve her. Why can’t you just do it here, on Earth? We could help you, you know. And for someone who doesn’t want to take us home, you seem to be there an awful lot. You described it as this beautiful place, but I’m starting to think that maybe you were lying, because why else wouldn’t you want to take us. I love travelling with you Doctor, but it feels like you just don’t trust us.”

There’s a pause, and an emotion that Yaz can’t place flickers across the Doc’s face. It’s the first real thing she’s seen from her since they met the Master, and she jumps on it. “What? What is it?”

“Radiation!” The Doctor replies, mask slipping back into place. “The radiation is too dangerous for you lot to be around. I’m fine, Time Lord (or Lady?) and all that, but it would kill you, and I don’t want that for my fam.”

Ryan looks uncomfortably between Yaz and the Doctor, sensing her growing anger.

“Right, but we travel in it all the time” Yaz interjects. “If it was that dangerous, then you wouldn’t let us in. What’s actually going on, Doctor?” She pauses, mulling it over, sensing the answer is within her reach. “It’s something to do with Jack and the Master, isn’t it? You said time is ‘swirling around you’ – what does that even mean? If you or your home is in danger, then we deserve to know, we can help you!”

“My home isn’t in danger.” The Doctor replies, looking very tired all of a sudden, but there’s a note of bitterness that Yaz picks up on.

“But it was, wasn’t it? And you can’t do anything, and now you keep going back- “

“Yaz, that’s probably enough” Ryan interrupts, just as Grahams goes to pull her back, but she’s so close to figuring it out, she can feel it

“- to try and fix it, but you can’t, can you? Which is why you were so worried about Jack turning up again, because it means you need his help to stop the danger continuing.” The Doctor has gone pale, her face shuttering down, and Yaz just keeps ploughing on. “And if Jack is here, and the Cybermen are back – and it’s all connected to the Master, isn’t it? Which is why you didn’t want him to go to that alternate dimension, because you need him to help you, and you need Jack. It just doesn’t make sense, though, because why would you need the Master to help fix whatever’s happened, unless he knew what caused it, unless he – unless _he_ caused it.”

Graham pulls her away, hand on her shoulder, but Yaz has said what she needed to, and it’s too late to undo that. “Is it true, Doctor?” Ryan asks softly. “Is that why you keep leaving us?”

“No.” She says, barely audible over the traffic a street or two over. “It’s not.”

Then the TARDIS door close behind her, and before any of them can react there’s a familiar whooshing sound, and then she’s gone. None of them say anything, although Yaz knows at some point Ryan will get angry at her, in case the Doc never comes back now. She will, though, Yaz thinks. She always comes back for them. Ryan and Graham head towards their house, offering a quick hug goodbye.

She always comes back, Yaz thinks. But then again, they don’t really know her. Not even a little bit.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably just going to be a one shot for now, but I might consider adding to it


End file.
